The "Banter Shanty"

[csfive]

Anyone remember this thread?

What happened to all the protagonists? 

It lost momentum when Greggy started loosing momentum.

[greggy]

Attention.... i just heard this from a priest who happened to be watching the beaumont rd crit this morning so you know it has to be true.

A Grade...

Upon arrival in what we thought was going to be a very competitive CCCC contingent, our playfully cocky attitudes were quickly overshadowed by what could only be described as a larger, more competitive looking NSCC bunch! (Note: The CCCC guys were all hotter)

After rolling out, it was clear what they were trying to do to us as by the 3rd lap they were sending "2 man" attacks up the road one after the other, leaving CCCC to bring them back. (which i believe i saw Andy doing reading the Sunday telegraph!)

After Letting the NSCC boys hurt themselves sufficiently, Andy "Go again" Hellmich made his presence felt by testing his cranks durability around the bottom turnaround.
From this he deducted that:

a) the cranks were strong
b) they didn't creak
c) the bike was fine

.... oh and also

d) he was about 300 metres off the front of the bunch!

After being joined by a few others who wanted to test their legs, it started operating as a nice little breakaway that looked good enough for Mick and i to come to the front and start testing our braking systems.

Just when CCCC were thinking Andy's move might have been a good'n, the bunch began reacting with a poetry of flurrying attacks and extravagant wheel hopping and before we knew it, we had reeled them in like Pete "the big gun" reels in the ladies!

With the return of the break and a minor lull in race pace, M. Curran uttered something that sounded like " Go again" and before anyone could get their breath back, Andy (who had just buried himself in the last break) took off again!!!

It was almost like we were competing in a " lets not ride with Andy" race!

So with CCCC off up the road soon joined by 2 other buggered looking NSCC riders, we got rain and an early 2 lap board and were happy to see Andy defeat the other 2 unassisted but the reaction came from the rest of the bunch who could also see what was going to happen.

CCCC had and easy ride to the finishing straight where the look of Mick's ass became somewhat of a focal point.

Getting his wheel was harder than skiing on one foot... wow (Tahnees gay joke)
I tried to gently push Justing Morris (NSCC) off it but found that to be a pointless endeavour.
The next 3 positions behind him were taken as well so i found myself in my own pace line which is definitely where you want to be.. isn't it?

From about 400m out, i saw the break being absorbed and everybody fixed on Micks wheel and i decided to have a stab. Just as the returning break boxed in Mick's Parasites, i launched like Phillip Gilbert and was not looking back. On this occasion it worked as i came home with the money but i think it was all thanks to a perfectly measured CCCC effort and the Mick Curran fan club which didn't want to react to anyone but him.

Always a good day out racing Beaumont rd, and the unspoken rivalry between CCCC and NSCC always adds that little extra to an already great day of racing.

Anyone with the report from the other grades? would love to hear it..

Adam? ... Lance?

Ps. There were still a couple of NSCC guys still on Micks wheel as we rolled into PITS, still waiting for his move.

Peace, Greggy 

[csfive]

They were still on my wheel as i drove home on the F3.

[Chappy]

Well done Greggy.... but the recap would be "TC handed you the win, so hopefully you handed him the $  "

[greggy]

he got the standard cut for most sacrificial teammates... 1 decaf, soy, skim,mocha frappe latte, with a shot of caramel.

[Andy H]

Love this thread!

I'd turn up to race just to make the report! 

[PeZulu]

Love this thread!

I'd turn up to race just to make the report! 

  +  = 

[alister]

Thanks again “danger man” Greggy for another unexaggerated and factual race report. Your call up to Reuters or SBS is not far off.  I am now doubly kicking myself – firstly for having missed a CCCC away race but mainly because it turned out to be a Greggy race report race, and which I cannot reply to fully.  Sounds like you had an awesome win; Andy flogged himself wearing down NSCC and Mick took one for the team. Sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. Last week’s lucca road race turned into a group sprint finish for A grade, as soon as the sprinters cranked it up, my diesel engine spluttered and I slipped off the back quicker than an Italian captain getting into a lifeboat, or maybe it was my energy levels going down quicker than a pros – no I will try and keep it clean - although this thread probably has a circulation of about 4 readers - I don’t want this newly energised thread being deleted by Andy “more stable than Molly Meldrum on a ladder” Hellmich due to bad taste.

Anyway – well done Greggy

[Andy H]

Nice walk along the tight rope Alister - you made it to the other side... just 

[greggy]

This thread is the landfill of impact cycling.

The banter shanty embraces all manner of vocal rubbish.

i am glad that you feel comfortable enough to post here Al..

oh and by the way, i am pretty sure that 7 of your 8 posts have been in this thread so what does that tell you about yourself ey

we aren't so different you and i 

[alister]

Due to browser issues, I am only able to post in the Banter Shanty.

Sundays Mystery Crit

There was much talk of GM’s return to form at sign on and it appeared he was the only topic of interest. Early on, whispers of “its not fair” and “let’s hope he gets a flat” were being uttered, and although initially appearing about as popular as Channel nine’s Andrew Voss at the Tour Down Under, the crowd quickly warmed to the beefcake thighs and easygoing nature. So it was off to the start for the first 20kms of burning muscles, pain racked lungs and knee cartilage damage.

Race 1 – mystery number of laps
Half a lap in and I quietly chuckled to myself as it appeared that Mick C’s gear cable may have snapped and he was being forced to push his biggest gear. Later I discovered this was by design, and although his legs weren’t moving much faster than the hour hand of a clock, my early optimism was soon quashed by a man pushing out about 45-50km/hr with the sole purpose of trying to snap his chain and rip the teeth of his cassette. I still clung to the hope of a mechanical problem but was later horrified to see him changing up – presumably the small cog had no teeth left. Those brave enough to move out of Mick C’s slipstream were quickly reeled back in, something different had to be attempted. There was an ex BMX er out there doing bunny hops and tricks on a road bike; I tried the opposite of Mick’s technique, increasing my cadence beyond 300 to try and make other riders feel dizzy and fall off; Andy “voted best legs at CCCC” Hellmich was off the front with a well timed effort in the last lap; Dan “I’m trying to confuse you by wearing a different cycling kit every week” the bike man, was trying to confuse us all by wearing a different cycling kit. I thought I had a secret joker up my sleeve, but about 8 laps in, and as I approached the race official with a knowing smile and a wink, I mistook a raised middle finger to mean 1 lap before the bell. My timed effort ran out a couple of laps early, and unfortunately my coverage stops there as I needed binoculars to see both finishes.

Race 2
More of the same as above. But an interesting team selection, which took me back to being at school and left on the bench with the fat wheezy boy with asthma and a note from his mum.

Other items of interest - On the return leg along Wyong Road I was complimented by a very attractive man, on my legs.

[PeZulu]

I was complimented by a very attractive man, on my legs.

And that's all that really matters 

[greggy]

I smell a state record coming 

[csfive]

I smell a state record coming 

Taste test this Teusday evening.

[alister]

Race report.

Considering the absences – I have posted an A grade race report for those not in attendance –absence notes from your mums are required for next sign on.

It is true that the cream rises to the top - and it was no exception with the turnout for the 2012 CCCC crit champs. Although the numbers at sign-on were thinner than the lycra on a home-made skin suit, all in-form riders, danger men and wet weather riders were present and correct.

There was an early call to thin down A grade further by banning anyone in a home-made (custom) black skin suit and business socks; A compromise was reached whereby Greggy agreed not to carry a spare tube and pump down his pants. I actually had space for an extra water bottle down mine, without anyone noticing.

A Grade race was scheduled for 5 minutes less than normal – this proved a useful strategy post-race, as it allowed extra time for the conclusion of Michael Mellish’s Winners speech, before darkness set in.

And so it was off to the start - Waki-Lexus versus the rest of A grade. First off the line was the man in black – who we would not see for another 10 minutes or so.

There were a lot of very aggressive attacks, mainly from Waki Lexus, who were trying to thin the field down. However, they were chased down by a rare collaboration of the rest of the riders, and I don’t think we lost anyone off the back. After 40 minutes of letting Mick/Nick  do all the work, any outstanding breakaways were brought back to heal and did not succeed on this day. All my extra spin sessions at Fitness First and loading up on contaminated beef were not enough for a breakaway rider like myself to succeed today. It all came down to a sprint finish (as club champs should), however, the additional effort put in by Waki Lexus over the previous 40 mins may have taken the edge of their sprint, and first place was taken out by Michael Mellish with a well timed sprint.

I would like to echo Michael’s sentiment ‘s, in that the quality and strength of Mick/Nick’s riding shone through on the day, and despite the non Waki Lexus riders’ best efforts to shake things up and keep them off the podium, they still took 2nd and third.

Alister